Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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