he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
