Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Randomize
