my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
