he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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