The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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