everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
