Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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