Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
