The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
