Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
