Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
They are going to name an STD after you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
