My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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