I wish I only lived at night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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