I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
