So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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