Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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