Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
