If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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