so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
