oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
