Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
