Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
