Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
