when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
