My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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