we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize