I met the friendliest cop last night
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
