i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I've blown a few things in my day
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
