If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
