and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
