I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
