so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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