puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
