I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize