Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
