wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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