my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
