There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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