The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
