You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize