Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Ladies don't puke and tell
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
