Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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