i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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