Please, let me fuck your mom
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
