So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
