I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
