i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
