I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
