I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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