I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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