We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
