i just sent this text using only my big toe
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
