I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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