hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
