My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
