five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
