I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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