first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
