"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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