Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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