Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
