I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
