i was born a porn star she said
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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