Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
