If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
accomplished twins. life is a go
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
